We Shouldn't be so Quick to Give Up On Our Marriage

                A significant item that I have learned about divorce is that there are actual stages of divorce. These stages are: emotional, legal, economical, co-parental, community and psychic.

If we ever start to have an emotional disconnection we need to do whatever we can to be able to remove this from our marriage. An emotional disconnect is the first thing that happens before people get divorced. A few examples of this is loss of respect and love.

Legal divorce is when the judge signs that papers that legally make you divorced. In some states they make people wait 6 months before the state will legally make you divorced because it has been shown that down the road people who have gotten divorced regret getting divorced. It is also proven that when couples stick it out they become more satisfied in their marriage and are glad that they didn’t get divorced

Economic divorce is the settlement of property. Splitting up all of the property between the couple.

Co-parental is the division of care to your children. The judge determines whether the husband or wife will take care of the children along with visitation rights. This is a very stressful time for the parents as well as the children.

Community divorce is the splitting up of your friends, church and whole community. This not only affects the two of you but also affects those around you that you aren’t related to. It can pull your friends apart from their spouses because it makes them have to pick a side and sometimes they pick opposite sides.

Psychic is regaining your individuality. This is a hard set to accomplish because in your marriage you have hopefully created your lives into one and so you have changed some of your views as well as become somewhat of a new person. When you get divorced you have to then dig through everything that you have created together and decide on who you are without your partner.

I think that by knowing these things and knowing that 70% of divorced couples regret there decision will help us to determine if we should really get out of the marriage or if we should stick it out together and see if we are able to grow closer together and have a more satisfying marriage. 

Parenting Styles

There are three main different types of parenting. These three ways are authoritarian/autocratic, permissive and authoritative/active. These three ways are very different. The most effective parenting approach is the authoritative/active parent.

Authoritarian/Autocratic

An authoritarian or autocratic parent is a parent that is control orientated which most of the times comes out being manipulative. They may cut their children down, make the children feel grief. This makes the child feel like their value as a person is dependent upon adults. They are given few choices and love and acceptance is based off of their obedience and compliance to their parent. The parent is more like the child has to respect them and if not you better watch out.

Permissive

            A permissive parent is a parent that is neglecting their child’s needs. The parent lets the child have full reign and gives them lots of choices with very few or no consequences. The parent gives little direction and puts in little effort. This parent is more like a buddy rather than a guide. This type of parent may feel like they are helping their child but they are really neglecting them. Children of all ages not understand the effects of choices made when they are young.

Authoritative/Active

            An authoritative/active parent is the most rewarding kind of parent. These parents are friendly but yet are firm. They talk on their children’s level, not above as being more powerful. These parents are consisted in consequences and are long term orientated. This does not mean they don’t let their children make mistakes but they are about to teach their children from these mistakes.

There is actually a website in which we are able to determine what type of parent we are. This website is http://www.activeparenting.com/Parents-Parenting_Style_Quiz.

            All children need to learn these five basic qualities. These basic but important qualities are responsibility, cooperation, respect, courage and self-esteem. We, as parents need to be accepting of our children. We need to treat them how we would like to be treated and teach by example. We also need to work together with them and have the same concept in mind when we are trying to teach them. But the most important times that you have taught your children is when you are not thinking about teaching them. Think about this. What is one important item that your parents taught you growing up? Was it when they say you down and gave you a talk? Was it when you got yelled at? Or was is when your parents weren’t trying to teach you anything? We learn best through natural consequences. These qualities are all best learned when parents are authoritative/active parents. Children need friendly but firm parents.

"To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them." - President Thomas S. Monson