Transition to Marriage

           The transition to marriage is not an easy thing to do. We have all grew up in different homes with parents that have different views. Because of this we have different ideas about how things should be ran in the home. But when we get married we have to be able to put aside our views and be able to create a plan together. A few of these plans we have to create together are dividing up the chores and responsibility in the home.  We have to be accepting of each other’s flaws. The most important thing though is to forgive one another no matter what and being accepting of each other. If we are able to put away our judgments and look to each other for support we will be better off in the marriage. 

Rules of Attraction

Have you ever thought about the meaning of the words dating and courtship. The world’s view of dating has changed drastically from what it used to be. The worlds view on the word ‘dating’ is that the couple are officially boyfriend/girlfriend. But the old view, like what our grandparents think, is that we go on dates with a bunch of people and get to know all of them until we find one specific person that we think we could possibly have a future with. And then you begin your courtship. Which is preparing more and getting to know that person more directly and seeing if you both are compatible with each other. As well these different views on the word 'dating' that have been changed around we also discussed three rules of attraction that are very important in courtship.

These rules of attraction for courtship are; nearness to access, physical attraction and similarity’s.  Nearness to access is being close in proximity. This is important in courtship because people that live in the same area tend to have the same ideas about life and tend to like to do the same things. The next rule is physical attraction. We have been able to recognize from this class that we are attracted towards people that have the same personality as ourselves or as our family. This physical attraction is not only appearance but the person’s health, interest, personality, traits and behavioral tendencies. The last rule is similarities. We need to be able to have similarities with the person we are courting. A lot of people things that we should marry opposites but this usually creates more issues than it helps them. And therefore we should court people that are similar to us. 

Courtship to Marriage

In The family: A Proclamation for the World it talks about how men should provide, preside and protect. This not only goes for your husband but should apply to the guy that is courting you. The male should provide for the date which refers to being able to pay for things in life. Paying for dates helps with providing as a future husband because it shows how well they are at budgeting, as well as showing that they can have fun while being cheap but occasionally expensive. The second characteristic is to preside. To preside is that same as planning. This shows how good they are at leadership and shows that if they will be able to take a lead in the family structure. The last one is to protect. This leads as the paired off which means knowing who you are with for that group date. This is important because it shows if he will take responsibility for you as well as you taking responsibility for him. We need to help each other out and keep each other out of trouble.

 https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Does Gender Really Matter?

Heavenly father has stated in the family proclamation that we are all created in the image of him and that we are sons and daughters of heavenly parents. With this he also states that gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. Therefore I believe that we are each created for a certain purpose and for our purposes our gender plays a large role. But with being born for our certain purposes we should be treated equal to one another. We are all sons and daughters to our Heavenly Father.

Being sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father we should treat each other as our brothers and sisters and help each other to grow. We need to build each other up and teach each other all principles and characteristic. Children should learn the same things and grow up to participate in whatever activities they would like and not have gender role to where they aren’t able to play that because that’s a boy’s toy or a girls. But with being our own person and being able to participate in whatever activities we should also teach specific qualities that they need to have per gender. In The Family, A Proclamation to the World it states:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. (https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation)

Therefore we need to teach our sons how to be a good fathers and hard workers so they can be the support of the family and we need to teach a daughter how to be a nurturing mothers. With these characteristic both men and women, boys and girls should all learn them but some of these characteristics are more prevalent in one gender or another.

Circumstances can change these responsibilities though. My mother, before she had my oldest brother, had gotten in a three wheeler accident and became a paraplegic. She broke her back and has no movement in her legs. She has been in a wheelchair ever sense. Along with this my parents got divorced when I was little. So at my house we grew up knowing that we all had to pitch in. There were things that my mother couldn't do or things that were harder for her to do because of her disability. Therefore for me, I have learned to be a hard worker and to help out all those around me as well as I have learned by helping her cook how to cook myself. My mother is a great example to me and with everything that she has been through she is almost never negative. She takes life as it comes and teaches us to do the same. I admire her and love her so much.

 

Family Structures DO Matter!

This week we talked about how being in different classes and cultures affects the family. I really liked one of the statements that Brother Williams said. It follows as is: “do no underestimate that some family structures are better than others.”  This is a very controversial statement but, I agree with it. A family structure is whether the parents are married and living together, living together and not married, separated, single moms or dads, divorced, gays or lesbians.

                From this week I have learned that the family structure really does matter. It is proven in studies that children with parents that are intact are better off in society than any other children. Parents in other circumstances can be really good parents and role models but having two parents in the home are usually better able to provide for the family, create a good home environment and have good role models to become good mothers and fathers in the future.

I have learned this concept in my own life. My parents got divorced when I was really young and I had a harder time understanding what each parent’s roles were. When I was young, because I didn’t remember them ever living together, I didn’t understand that moms and dads were supposed to live together and one day after being at a friend’s house I asked my mom about this. Because of everything my mom went through and because a lot of the times we don’t realize that our children might not understand she had no idea that I didn’t know this concept in life. And she helped explain this to me. But other than this I am able to look at my life and see how different it would have been if my parents hadn’t have gotten divorced. But we all learn to deal with the trials that we have been dealt with. I have been able to learn a lot and am now able to understand that in some circumstances you have to do what you have to do to get by. I love both of my parents very much and I know they want what’s best for me. I hope that with this we will all be able to really take into consideration how our family structures really do affect our lives as well as our children’s lives and that we need to do what is best for them.

The Four Theories of Marriage and Dating

This week in class we talked about four different theories that go along with dating and marriage. These four theories start with the family system which shows how each part in a family is necessary. Exchange theory which is weighing the pros and the cons. Symbolic interaction theory which is when we are more affected by our own thoughts then what the person that stated it really meant. And the last theory is the conflict theory which in any relationship there will be some conflict.

            I have come to understand these four theories extremely better then what I thought of them before. These four theories all play a huge role in our lives. In our family right now as well as our future family we need to be able to include everyone. This will help us out extremely. We need to be able to weigh out the pros and cons to each relationship that is in our lives and determine for ourselves if it is worth it or not. If it’s not worth it get out! It will most likely be destructive. We also need to be able to understand what others mean by what they say. Not just our own interpretation of what we think they mean. This can be crucial because we all have our own way of interpreting others because we have all grown up in different circumstances. Last of all is the conflict theory. I think the biggest thing for conflict is being able to compromise. Compromising is a great skill that we need to continue to build and grow. I think a lot of the marriages that tend to have issues is because neither side wants to compromise. Compromising is the key to relationships and will reduce the conflict within it.

            I believe these are all extremely important concepts in dating and marriage. And I hope by writing this is will help any of those who read this.